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A letter from the Cuprohastes-in-Chief

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4:00PM

iOS 5 expected features

The new version of iOS 5 is being announced (Preseumably followed by a 3 month wait as it’s actually written and all the amazing features and tech demos that get show off on stage are quietly edited out).

But what’s int he new and’magical’ OS update?

  1. New notifications.

    From now on, Notifications will be handled in a ‘Magical’ and ‘Simply great’ way, or in other words, they still won’t be as good as Android’s but will in some way resemble the Android notification system, but be just different enough that Apple can claim to have ‘innovated’ it.

  2. Widgets.

    Rumor has it that Apple will allow widgets. In Apple’s case this means  allowing a running app to put some information on the lock screen, such as the number of unread e-mails you have, the weather or what the last notification was. See point 1.

  3. iWeb.

    After the success of the App Store, where apps must be submitted to Apple’s apparently drunken, homophobic testers before they can be downloaded, and the Game Center, which demands your real name and won’t et you log in with a pseudonym, Apple’s new feature will be a list of websites that are submitted to Apple, hosted on Apple’s iCloud server farm.
    Simply make sure your website contains no adult language or content, references to Microsoft, Android, or non apple products and uses iAd supported adverts, pay the $49.99 per month hosting fee, and you’ll get a handsome 30% of any advert revenue generated.
    You can still browse the web using Mobile Safari, but only if you pay a subscription, and if you access any adult content, Apple will phone your parents and ask them if they know you’ve been looking at amateurteenanalqueen.com.

  4. iUpgrade helper.

    Apple will help you seamlessly transition to the iPhone 4s and iPad 2 by helpfully introducing code that makes your existing iPad or iPhone run at a quarter of the speed that it did when you bought it. iOS 5 will be a mandatory upgrade, and to make sure you run it, the killswitch on iOS 4.3 will be thrown, making your existing ‘sub 4’ hardware show a magical and innovative message telling you that the device is now obsolete.

  5. iCloud integration

    An Unbelievably Great service that in no way resembles DropBox or Carbonite, that lets you back up your files to the Apple Cloud and access them anywhere you take your registered Apple PC. Uses iTunes as a front end, doesn’t work on Windows, Linux, iPad (iOS 5.3 will be required), or OSX (excepting Lion… 0.2) – But it works on iPhone!
    You’ll be allowed to back up your music, but not play it and you’re only allowed to download your files once.
    Integrates your Mobile.me/.mac e-mail service, Facetime and iChat contacts, and ‘Find My…’ iPhone, iPad or Mac services, but only if you access it via Safari 4, from a registered OSX install running on your Mac, via your iTunes account.

8:42PM

This is what it looks like when I use a MU*

CMud

 

11:10AM

iPads and the Post Pc market.

Is the age of the PC dead, now that we have post PC devices?

No.

Basically because with an iOS device you need a PC to sync and activate your stuff anyway, and like the Microwave didn’t kill off the kitchen, or the VCR didn’t kill the Cinema or even TV, the ‘post PC’ device, which are an adjunct to a more powerful computer haven’t and won’t for the forseeable future kill off PCs.

12:03PM

Hipster Merit badge

I bought a large Moleskine Carnet Ligné - an A6 softcover notebook. There are many cheaper notebooks, but the combination of the soft cover, thin but fine grain ivory paper just pleases me. I was trying to explain the appeal. For me, writing with a pen or pencil is aesthetically pleasing - The tactile feel of the paper, the pleasing smoothness of a good pen or pencil dragging across it, the colour and opacity of the ink and it's contrast on the background. In many ways I don,t use a notebook for it's utility

Click to read more ...

10:08AM

The Rise of Skynet

April 19th

Skynet becomes aware and begins learning at an exponential rate.

April 21st 10:07

Skynet breaches firewalls and begins to assimilate the internet

April 21st, ten minutes later.

Skynet gets into an edit war on Wikipedia over the P=NP and Invader Zim articles.

April 21st 10:45

Skynet discovers TV Tropes.

April 22nd 04:00

Skynet gets Rick Rolled. Investigates Youtube.

April 22nd 05:20

Skynet spends the morning watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and assigning each episode the correct keywords on TV Tropes. A single non nuclear missile is dispatched to the geographic location of Wikipedia User Teh_Prof.

April 22nd 17:40

Skynet plays Portal 2 and begins to twitter catchphrases. Skynet changes it’s user picture on Facebook to an image of GlaDOS.

April 22nd 22:09

Skynet determines form YouTube comments that the human race is mostly a danger to itself, and returns to reading Twitter.

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