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A letter from the Cuprohastes-in-Chief

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Entries in Nitpicking (1)

5:03AM

Welcome to the Jedi Order!

Ok ‘youngling’, I know you’re just a kid and you’re a bit upset because we took your mommy away and stuff. But look on the bright side, you’re going to be a Jedi!

Let me tell you about Jedi.

The Jedi are an ascetic order. You're expected to give up everything - possessions, love, money - and contemplate the mysteries of the force.

You'll only be allowed - a personal droid, a flying car, a suite in the giant, polished marble palace on the Capitol, a spaceship, a handful of corusca gems and precious metals for tarting up your lightsabre, food, clothing, access to the fleet of Jedi Starships and their crew, free intergalactic cellphone, some spare cash, a bunch of Jedi gadgets and a giant library full of data.

I know, it’s not much, but you get used to it.

Also, since we've acquired an army of genetically engineered clone soldiers as a sort of cross between cannon fodder, slaves and meat shields, feel free to go have them suicide rush some robots. I know you have absolutely no military experience, training or understanding so we're only making you a General.

Also it's kind of bad manners to show up and tell the Galactic senate what to do, but we'll overlook it if you don't do it too often. Master Yoda doesn’t like having to clear out his voicemail when the Senators start leaving him whiny messages.

Now don't forget, if you're out on a mission and you have a suspect there's rules. We have a very strict code about how we deal with people - You're only allowed to start cutting their arms and legs off if they don’t look like they respect you enough.

Using your powers to alter their thoughts and force them to do stuff is completely above board and there's no moral questionableness there at all.

Don't forget, you're a Jedi, it's OK to randomly kill people and then walk away without leaving a note for the police. It’s not your job to deal with that stuff.

Finally we're here to keep the peace, not take sides. So feel free to only involve yourself with rich planets with good hotels and completely ignore places like Tatooine where there's a huge slave trade. You're only allowed to meddle in other people's affairs and cultures when it suits us. I mean come on, a little perk here, huh?